Saturday, June 5, 2010

At last ! >.< Memory Before the Graduation 2 is done !

is done ! is done ! and I will share it to you ! Hai ! I guess this would be my last attempt of making a love story .. I guess .. Okay ? xD

I am still working with my story 'Teddy Bear' . Please comment, appreciate or criticize . You can rant here too . Weeee - Enjoy reading !


It all started with a sudden confession.

"I like him!"

She didn't know that I was there. I heard her say it. That she liked me. Ciara liked me! She turned around and when she saw me, she turned red and ran away from me. Her friends were giggling because of what happened. A confession. But she didn't mean to do it.


Ever since that day, she never talked to me. Whenever she was around, the atmosphere becomes awkward. When I approached her one time, she unexpectedly ran away. I was just going to give her the list of the students' names.

She was actually a good friend of mine. We were not that close but she did one thing that annoyed me: messing my hair all of a sudden. She kept telling me that my hair was nice. It was not a problem but she would say.. "It's like I'm petting a dog!"

Ever since that day, when she said that she liked me, she never touched my hair. I thought it was a relief. She never spoke to me again.I don't know why but everyday I kept wondering if she would ever talk to me. Days passed and then months. We finished the third year of high school and she was still not talking to me.


Then all of a sudden, I felt something weird. One day, she got sick and had to absent. I felt uneasy and kept thinking about her. The next day, I waited for her to come to school. It was really weird. When finally she went to school, I found myself looking at her for a very long period of time. Then, she turned to me and suddenly, I felt my heart beat fast.

One thing was for sure: I have to stop thinking about her. Time went by fast and all we knew was three months after, we would all be graduates. I heard my classmates discussing about the scrapbook. It was a habit of every graduating class to create a scrapbook.


I remembered the time when Ciara and I scanned the scrapbook created by a class 4 years ago. They said that the habit of scrap booking started from them.

"Isn't it sad? Bryan has to die. But it's sweet to think that they were not that close but they both became special memories to each other, right?" she said. I was just silent. Being sweet and romantic is not really my thing.

"Do you know how to take pictures?" Out of nowhere, she asked me that question.
"I don't own a camera," I replied.
"Too bad! I thought you could be Bryan! Then you will take pictures of the one you like!" she enthusiastically said.

I was silent again. I never liked anyone. It was a bother anyway. Liking someone is a hindrance to study. I knew it because a friend of mine had liked someone and he got failing grades. He can't stop thinking about the girl he liked and so, he couldn't concentrate.

Ciara closed the letter and suddenly asked me, "Hey Gian! What's the last thing you want to do before you graduate?"
"I don't know. You?" I bounced off the question.
She touched my hair and said, "I will mess your hair!"

She was really a weird person. But I wonder if she could still do it: messing my hair for the last time.


The whole class were busy doing their projects while others were preparing the materials for the scrapbook. Suddenly, a classmate of mine handed me his digital camera and told me to take pictures of our classmates. He saw me doing nothing so he asked for my help. I said it was alright. When he went away, there was a huge revelation that occurred me. I had to take pictures of each of our classmates. It also meant that I had to take a picture of Ciara. I tried to return the camera but he told me that everyone else was busy so I really had to do it.


She was the only one left. I approached her and told her that I had to take a picture of her. She turned red and nodded. I didn't understand but my hands were shaking that time. She looked at the lens but never showed a smile. Then suddenly I remembered her saying about me taking pictures of the one I like. I hurriedly clicked the camera and left immediately. When I looked at the picture, it was blurred. Probably because my hands were shaking. I leaned on the wall and thought of another way to get her picture.


"You want me to take a picture of Ciara?" I asked a friend of her to take her picture instead of me. Luckily, he said yes. He was actually Ciara's seatmate. I think he was close to her becuase they always talked, even during class.

When he had finish taking the picture, he handed me the camera. I looked at the picture and saw the image of Ciara, smiling. She didn't smile when I was the one who took it.


One month left and we still hadn't talked. It was then that I really felt awkward. Her seatmate was taking pictures of her and I would see that smile. What was wrong with me? I can't help it but everytime I see them, I was so annoyed. Then her words kept repeating in my head : "Too bad! I thought you could be Bryan! Then you will take pictures of the one you like!".. There was also this one time when I have to take some materials from Ciara's seatmate and I spoke to him harshly. Everyone was surprised. Including Ciara.


The scrapbook was finished and we only got a week for our graduation. Our final week as high school students. We scanned our scrapbook and laughed. We remembered the time when we had our camping and we had to throw ourselves unto the muddy ground to look for a coin. We also had our Christmas caroling and won the second place! As we looked at the photos, I've noticed something. There were no photos of me and Ciara together. If there was, it was our class picture. I sighed and walked away as the rest of the class looked at the scrapbook. I just went around the campus and always thought of Ciara. I was always annoyed when she was with me. When I realized that we hardly had a memory together during our last year, I regretted not speaking to her first. I should have made the first move. Maybe she was still ashamed.
I kicked a stone and watched it roll. I've made up my mind. I was going to talk to her.


I ran back to the class. I have to talk to her! I needed to tell her I was sorry for keeping her waiting. I stopped and realized something. Maybe.. Maybe the reason why I always felt awkward, why I cared for her too much, why I was feeling uneasy when she's with her seatmate.. Maybe because.. I liked her.. The question was :
"Does she still like me?"

I hurried and saw something that made me stop. Ciara and her seatmate were together, hugging each other.


Three days left and we would be graduates. I was still pissed about what happened. I was more pissed when she suddenly approached me. She took my hand. I was so angry that I shoved her away and walked out. She was standing there and I could feel that she was crying that time.


Ciara was silent ever since that day. Even during the graduation, she was just staring in blank space. Her friends would ask her what was wrong but she would just fake a smile and say "I'm alright! I'm just sad because we will be separated after this."


I have never seen Ciara after the graduation. I returned to our classroom after two weeks to pick up some things. I borrowed the keys from our adviser and opened the door. The first thing I saw when I went inside was the scrapbook. I scanned the pages and tried to look for pictures of Ciara. I missed her so much. Her annoying attitude, her incomprehensible thoughts and most importantly, the way she messed my hair. She didn't have the chance to mess it for the last time. I scanned the pages and saw something in the last page. It was like a book. When I opened it, I realized that it was a diary. I read it and found out a shocking revelation : The owner of the diary I was reading was Ciara !
The further I read the more I hated myself ..

Date : xx/xx/xxxx

First day of my third year high school ! Wow ! XD I am so excited because I have a new diary ! I lost my first diary because I was too careless .. I hope no one in my class has read it ! Most of the time, I always wrote about Gian .. Yeah ! He's my first crush ! And I think my first love ! And I don't ever wanna confess to him because I know that it would be awkward .. And I don't think he will like me back ! ...

Date : xx/xx/xxx

I was with Gian today ! We went to the fourth year building to do an errand for our adviser. I pulled him when I saw the scrapbook made by a class .. Then, I've read the letter of Bryan ! I remembered my cousin telling me about the story of Bryan .. It was soo sweet and sad ! I asked Gian if he knows how to take a picture .. He said he don't own a camera .. Same here ! But another problem why I can't take a picture is .. I have shaky hands and somewhat clumsy .. XP .. Anyway, it's a very nice day because I was with Gian !! So happy !!

Date : xx/xx/xxxx

Argh ! I failed an exam ! It's normal, anyway .. I looked at Gian's paper and saw that he got the highest score ! Wow ! No wonder he's my undying crush (or love .. XD) !! I touched his hair and he got annoyed ! He should be used to it now ! I just love his hair ! I remembered the first time I touched it ! I lost my favorite dog and cried during class .. Gian approached me and said that I was noisy .. I was not really in the mood to talk to anyone .. I just cried and then he said "Shut up!" .. I was annoyed ! So I pulled his hair .. When I touched his hair, I felt comforted .. It felt like my dog's head (Oops ! I was being rude !) .. Ever since that day, I've always touched his hair .. And he will always get angry with me .. (Which was kinda cute <3!)>

Date : xx/xx/xxxx

Grrrr ! I hate myself ! How can I be so careless ! A girl from my class found my diary from before and asked me about Gian ! They kept on teasing and finally I've erupted ! I said it ! I said it ! I can't believe it ! When I tuned around, I saw him ! He heard me say it ! That I like him ! I am such an idiot ! I will talk to him and tell him it was just a joke ! A misunderstanding ! I can do it !

Date : xx/xx/xxxx

In the end, I can't. The moment I look at him, my heart beats fast ! Argh ! I just ruined my friendship with him ! Stupid ! STUPID !

Date : xx/xx/xxxx

He approached me ! He wanted to talk to me ! But what did I do ? I ran ! I am such a coward !! I could have say "Thank you" but I didn't ! He was just going to give a list but I ran away !! What is wrong ?!

Date : xx/xx/xxxx

I still can't talk to him ! Argh ! I'm finding it hard to write here now .. It felt like I was just writing for him ..

Date : xx/xx/xxxx

I've got an idea ! I will write even the simplest thing he does ! In this way, I could still remember him even though we didn't have moments together !!

Date : xx/xx/xxxx

It's the end of the third year ! He's our top student ! Girls were screaming when his name was called ! I have lots of opponents ! Grr ! But Gian does look cool ! ^^

Date : xx/xx/xxxx

It's vacation time and I can't take my mind off him ! Argh !

Date : xx/xx/xxxx

It's finally school time ! We're classmates again ! I am so happy ! But still I can't talk to him .. T___T

Date : xx/xx/xxxx

I got sick ! I wonder what is happening now .. I wish I was there .. I’m missing him so much ! Is this what we call love sick ?

Date : xx/xx/xxxx

He said that his going to take a picture of me ! Waaaaa ! I could feel my heart beating sooo fast ! I was expressionless ! I wanted to burst into tears ! I wanted to laugh ! I don't understand what I was feeling ! After he took my picture, he ran away .. I wonder how I look .. Weird, probably .. * sigh *

I opened the next page and pictures of me with Ciara fell. I then realized. When her seatmate was taking pictures of her, he was actually taking pictures of us together..

Date : xx/xx/xxxx

I asked my seatmate to take pictures of me together with Gian ! We don’t have pictures together so at least, by this way, I can have a memory with him. I can’t see his smile.. I wish I could bring a smile on his face .. =(

I looked at the pictures. These were the times when I was really pissed off. Perhaps, because of jealousy.

Date : xx/xx/xxxx

It our final week ! Weee ! I wanted to talk to Gian but he went away .. I wonder what was wrong .. And yeah .. =( My seatmate’s brother died because of an accident .. He just discovered a while ago .. I tried to comfort him but he just can’t stop crying ..He has always been close with his brother .. =(

So that was the reason! Argh! How can I be so stupid?!

Date : xx/xx/xxxx

I approached him .. I wanted to give him the pictures which were taken by my seatmate .. But .. He shoved me away .. He hates me .. I am such an idiot ! What do I expect ? It’s been more than a year since we last talked ! It was all my fault why I can’t talk to him ! I am stupid ! STUPID !

As I read this page, I knew that she was crying while writing that one. The words were blurry and had smudges on it ..

.. If only I could tell him ... because it would be .. and I don’t want .. good-bye ..

I didn’t understand it ! What does she mean? Good-bye?


That was the last entry she wrote. I looked at the pictures again. “Memories with me?” I whispered. I was full of anger and depression that I threw the pictures. She was trying her best to create memories with me. But the only memory I gave her was when I made her cry before our graduation. Was she going to go away? She was leaving? I ran and ran. I don’t know where but it was the first time I desperately wanted to see someone, wherever she were. I stumbled but I stood again, still running. My nose was already bleeding. Where should I go?


To love is to be helpless and finding yourself pathetic. You can’t think properly. You feel stupid and dumb. For the first time in my life, I felt like an idiot. I asked her friends but they didn’t know where she was. Where are you, Ciara?


It has been four years. I was about to graduate. I took Photography as my course. I never thought I’d take it but I did. I saw the world in different angles and realized that it is beautiful. Another reason why I took Photography was her. That one day, I’d meet her again and would be able to take pictures of her, of the one I like.


I turned around, still holding my camera. It was a gentle voice, a familiar one. It was a voice I heard a long, long time ago. She was facing me, the light was against her. I didn’t recognize her at first.

“I heard that you took Photography but didn’t believe it. Wow. You.. You’re taking pictures now?”

I was still silent.

“I.. suppose you don’t remember me .” She took a deep breath. “If I were you, I’d barely remember me, too. I’m.. I.. Sorry..”

She started to walk away but I took her hand and looked at her face closely.

“I just went here because.. I promised to myself before that.. I would do one thing before graduation.” Then she started to mess my hair. She was smiling but the tears were falling down her cheeks. Then she whispered, “I miss you.. a lot.”

“Ci.. Cia..” I could not say her name. She just stood there, smiling.

“I’m sorry it took so long,” she said, “I could not find the courage to talk to you. Three days before our graduation, I didn’t know what to do. I thought you hated me and I was not able to build my courage to talk. So I decided that I would just study out of the country. Because it would only hurt me if I stayed where you are there. But it bothered me. I wanted to talk to you but I couldn’t and I was so ashamed of myself. That’s why, here I am. Helpless and pathetic.”

To love is to be helpless and finding yourself pathetic. I was seeing it in her.

“I’m sorry,” I finally talked. I took something out from my bag. It was something I kept with me always. I handed her what she owned in the first place. She was holding her old diary. She stared at it and to me. She was about to say something when I blurted out the words I wanted to say a long, long time ago.

“Ciara, I like you.”

It ended with a confession.


That was my memory before the graduation.


LitTLe . mAkE-BeLieVeR . sTorYtELLeR
iF tHerE's sOmeThinG sToriEs TeLL, wHaT cOuLd iT bE?

Friday, May 28, 2010

That Causes Wonder

It starts with a pause
A glitter in one’s eyes
Wonders around us
Take us to the best of our lives

But I rather see your smiling face
After looking through such sight
It won’t stay long, I know
But so is your delight

A smile from a stranger’s lips
A hi from a friend’s words
Small things will not matter now
But without them, big things also won’t

Take me to where you find happiness
‘Cause everyone else would go there soon
But I’d stay here now, beside yo
Like the earth’s revolving moon

I would want to take your hand
But I’d also want to keep it distant
I want to see you fly
And be there to catch you when you land

How much happiness, that I don’t know
As long as I’m happy, I won’t have to weigh or measure
‘Cause who would take the time to count
Once you find your greatest treasure?

Look further
Look closer
Everywhere is a mystery
Waiting to be discovered

Dream no matter
Reach out highe
Everyone is alone now
If he doesn’t wander

LitTLe . mAkE-BeLieVeR . sTorYtELLeR
iF tHerE's sOmeThinG sToriEs TeLL, wHaT cOuLd iT bE?